Last night I was sitting on my bed and I started to just see the needle going into my skin. Slowly slipping in, the flinching pain, and then the release. Blood filling up, blooding flowing out. I remember once, it's actually a pretty funny story, my needle getting clogged. I was annoyed because I was done and I just wanted to get out of the bathroom and lay down. I'm standing over the sink and nothing is coming out. Pressing and pressing, nothing is coming out. I held it up and pointed it towards the mirror trying to see if the blockage was visible. I continued to press (for a reason I can't understand) and it sprayed out. But, because it was pointed up I got in on the ceiling. Now, I'm standing there staring at the ceiling and a shiver runs down my spine, how am I going to clean this up? I clear off everything that was on the counter, and quickly hop on to it. I'm kneeling on the counter and all I can think is, "SHIT!" I lick my finger and rub it on the speckles of blood and suddenly they're gone. I take the rest of the water that I had and rubbed off all the blood on the ceiling on the lights. By that time my fear had caused me to begin to shake so I had to go lie down and calm down. Anyway, to me, that's a funny story, probably because it was me staring at the ceiling thinking, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO???"
I just want to get high. I just want to melt into the seams in the bedspread. I don't want to think about fighting, or yelling, I just want to melt into oblivion. I tried to talk to Lauren today about why she pissed me off last night, but she didn't care that she had hurt me. It's so obnoxious. Anthony and I are talking on the phone, I'm crying on the other side, and all he says is, "I wish I could be there and give you a hug." He has to work today and tomorrow, but we may hang out after he gets done tomorrow. I hope we can, I haven't seen him in two weeks, which is really too long.
We're going out on Tuesday to the movies, so at least if I can't see him tomorrow I can see him then. I really want to see that new Brad Pitt movie, "Burn After Reading." It looks so good! I think Anthony wants to see "Pineapple Express" again, which I will have to say no to because that would be the third time I had seen it. The second time was almost unbearable, my friend watched it high the second time and still thought it was long.
I'm getting the sides of my head trimmed down, it's looking weird with my 7" mohawk in the middle. I'm sure the hair stylist will get a kick out of it, I've known him since middle school. Haha, when I was in 7th grade I asked for a hairstyle that would allow me to stick up the middle in a mohawk but leave my hair normal on the sides, he said he couldn't do that. Last year, I did it to myself and it was pretty good, but my new mohawk is really awesome. I'm going to wait to reshave it, even though my hair grows back faster than most people.
Well, I'm off to get my hair done! = )
2 comments:
I learned my lesson with clogged points early on. I was with 'asshole' Ed and his cousin Anthony at some gay guy's house and we were all fixing up, my outfit clogged halfway through my shot and I pulled out to fuck with it. I was pushing and pushing and then pop! The tip flew off somewhere. I was pissed about my shot but the guy whose house it was was freaking out saying we had to find the tip. We were all looking around and then Ed goes,"what the fuck is on your shirt Anthony?" Anthony looks down at his shirt and there is the tip of my rigg, pinning it to his chest. He was nodding so bad he didn't even feel it hit him. Super junky projectile! We all had to laugh, it was so dopefiend bloopers.Now I always point it a the floor.I used to make my grandma shave my head for me, she HATED it! Only did it cause I bugged her so much. Good times......now you made ME wish I had a shot, oh well, I'll live. have a fun weekend.
Once, I pushed so hard that the actual syringe part literally cracked (it was obviously glass), haha, luckily i was only cleaning it, so it didn't really matter as much.
Another good junky blooper: I had missed the vein, and as I have done (a nasty habit), I put the shot and the blood, into the spoon and recook it (I had been shooting a pill, which always gets solid again fast). So, I put it back, I'm really pissed off and I'm holding the spoon over the flame. I've begun to shake and for some reason my hand just relaxes. It falls on the bathroom rug, so now blood, shot, and the soot from the back of the spoon are all on the carpet. Needless to say I always kept the rug flipped over. = )
My friend Tanzen did it for me the first time, but at the moment I'm allowed to keep it about 1/2" long, but not shaved down again for a while. I'm okay with it.
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