Bang-zoom

This month...

Paranoia. Sucks. It sucks. It drives me nuts. It rewires my brain. I focus on every minute detail. I want to wash the countertops of my mind clean. I look for dust. I sweep the floor of my mind and replay it over and over. Paranoia is like a disease. Paranoia. Paranoia.

This afternoon...

I found a diamond ring in a public bathroom today. I thought about taking it, I looked at it. I was all alone in the bathroom. I left it there hoping that the woman would run back and realize what she had left. I imagined it in my head. I felt bad for thinking about taking it, even though I didn't. I hope she has it.

This year...

It's dark in the world. We sit and we watch. 

This morning...

I stood on Ned's stoop for 20 minutes this morning waiting for him to answer the door. I watched as people walk by me, the eyed me. They wondered why I was waiting on a stoop looking anxious. I can't help it. I'm nervous. I don't like waiting, I never have, never will. It doesn't matter who it is, where it is, I know I look sketchy when I wait. I stood on his stoop and looked at my watch. I looked around. I looked back at my watch. I stared at the ground. We got pizza and I burned the roof of my mouth really badly. It's still sore.

This evening...

We were sitting on the swings. She said, "Yeah, I can tell you don't really like smoking... I know what you wanna do..." "What do I wanna do?" "You wanna... drop some acid..." "Sure..." We swing more. I think she's in a bit of denial because she knows. Or at one point she did. I remember once she actually asked me about It instead of just scolding me. It was a while ago, so maybe she forgot. Maybe she just pretends.