We got home late. Ned had gone home half an hour earlier and now it was the four of us. Tanzen, Rosie, Kendra, and I. We sat around Tanzen and Rosie's kitchen table. Kendra was trying to make an anagram out of my full name. Every few minutes she would tell me another word and we would attempt to put together a fragment. Tanzen drank a Corona and had some more vodka. I didn't realize that most vodka is only 80 proof. I thought that it was more. Tanzen and I had split her flask of it, each getting about 2.5 shots in a bottle of cranberry juice. I chugged mine to minimize the taste as we sat in the park watching the play. Now back at her house she sits and drinks the Corona, though I think it's unnecessary and dumb.
We discussed our zodiac signs. My sun and moon are both in Pisces, also this is the age of Pisces. My ascendant is Gemini, Venus is in Aires, Mercury is in Aires, and I think that Gemini is in Mars (but I could be wrong). Pisces are prone to drug and alcohol problems, I joked that that's all Tanzen and I needed. It was meant as a joke. It was supposed to be ignored.
Tanzen (my friend, who I talked about in "ping-pong") turned and said, "Well, you've already had one. So maybe you'll learn and it won't happen again." She was serious. Dead serious. I shuttered internally. I've only told Tanzen about It. Kendra stops writing, "Wait. What?"
I ignored it. I pretended that there had been nothing said.
Tanzen does not understand. She has no clue. There is a difference between her reality and mine. She doesn't understand that you can't tell people about these kind of things. She tells people that she wants to try heroin, I told her that people won't understand and that she shouldn't. I've told her it's different for people like her and I, we have a different view. My life is secrets, I know that, but she doesn't. I want to tell her, but I don't. I want her to understand that you can't say those kind of things. I feel embarrassed. Drugs are embarrassing. The A-word is embarrassing.
I swallowed that hit that I had been saving and got two more for later. I feel pretty good. I feel it in a good way. In a great way. I think I'm going to watch some Trainspotting and forget. I want to forget myself. I want to forget you.
4 comments:
Your friend wants seriously to understand that people will give her a wide berth even if they think she's TRIED heroin, let alone if she gets into it (and that's how we all got into it let's face it)...
Pisces: that's me too. Always swimming in 2 fcking directions at once ~ ha!
Vodka: what do you mean you thought it was more than 80 proof? That's 40%abv!! We used to be able to get something called Polish spirit or perfume spirit, it was 160 proof or 80% alc by volume and you HAD to dilute with OJ or something... Only point in buying it was it saved space as the nasty British taxman whacked so much duty on it we all calculated the £/per alcohol thing was precisely the same as for any other spirits!
Haha, yeah, I feel like she really needs to be woken up to that fact, but I can't figure out the most effective way yet. I'm sure that I can find a way some how.
Pisces are generally awesome, we just suck at the whole, "This is the last one, no seriously, it is, I'm not gonna have any more... well, okay, maybe, but just one..."
I don't know, haha, I never drink, so I was just looking at the label. For some reason I thought that it was a higher proof, I don't know why, but I did.
= )
I noticed "high proof rum" in the local shop after you said that
it was 64% vol which would be 128% proof
can't recall the brand, but get some of that instead haha! if you can't drink it you could always use it as lighter fluid or something..
;->...
another fellow pisces here...imagine that, we are waaay to good at fooling ourselves, even if only for a little while.
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