School's been crazy and I'm not getting enough sleep, feeling like shit, and just kind of am wondering if the ceiling is going to cave in on my head.
Got drunk with my friends on saturday and wandered around the city writing things like "Cock" "Ass" etc. on people's car windows in the snow. The next morning Tanzen and I smoked, but her dad was there which led to us almost getting caught twice. Tanzen said the funniest thing I have ever heard: "I really like hangovers because they bring you down to reality, and I like reality" (she was drunk when she said that, haha). Jordan saw the girl we all hate at the show he went to, and he called and I got to talk to him and Papa Jay. I got into a horrible mood on the train, I started to cry and shit, I just felt hopeless. I seriously think it's the combination of sleep-deprivation, Sunday, and weed. I hate weed. It really just fucks with my head.
One thing that we did talk about was how we know that we're going somewhere. I've always felt that there was something about me that meant I was going to do something. Anything. Not in a conceited way, it's just, you can't be born into this world with weird circumstances and lead a weird life and not do SOMETHING. When I was younger I used to imagine that I was going to be end up being a prophet. Not that I'm better than anyone, with each day I just realize how much more fucked up I am than most people I know, but its whatever. I'm going to make something of myself. Anything. Just something that makes me happy at the end of the day.
I'm also wondering if I go straight for the rest of the year and stop touching drugs. Period. What? Am I serious? I have no idea. We'll see how long it lasts. If I keep it going the one good thing will be the relief of not having to hide away shit. There are a few exceptions, but I doubt I'll get a hold of these exceptions... I'm waiting to worry about that shit at a later date.
Well, I'm going to see Reagan Youth on saturday, so I'll probably come back on after that. Everyone have a nice week! = )
1 comment:
yo. i feel you on the weird life=destined for something wave. as for going straight, i do it periodically... it's nice because even though i never make it all the way, im mellow enough to re-center. have fun at your show.
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