Today is a snow day, which means I have time to blabber about my life and shit lately. My posts have been far and few between because of: A) applying to college, B) going to shows every weekend, and C) I haven't been high on ANYTHING for... well, since the wednesday before Thanksgiving, which is like 3 weeks. This kind of unintentional... kind of. In fucking February, I won't have shot up in a year... fuck, and I hate it. Because I love it. I do. Haha, I was thinking about that in the car yesterday (I love being a passenger in cars, I just sit and listen to calm music like Billy Joel (yes, I love it), and think about everything). It kind of upsets me in a way I can't put my finger in. I mean, sure I love the drugs, we all know that. I miss the action close to as much as when I don't have drugs... I kind of wanted to clean up my act for the New Year, no drugs, foreeeeeeeeeever. But I know that's not going to happen, haha, who am I really kidding here? Obviously not myself.
The other weekend, Tanzen and I were talking about shit, like we usually do. She told me that she lost her virginity like OVER the summer, and had not told me. Now, okay, so I don't want the details, that's not why I'm pissed. I'm pissed because I'm her friend who tells her anything and I feel bad when I don't tell her shit and she asks. Not that I asked about her losing her virginity, it's just like a lie by omission. She knows everything, and she kind of enjoys hearing about me and drugs and shit, as far as I can tell at least. So, we've made up this policy: full disclosure, for me she can ask me anything about drugs (she made me fucking list out the drugs I had done, haha, and in my mind I thought, "this isn't fucking humiliating," and then started to say shit) and I can ask her anything about her fucking guys.
My biggest problem with her fucking people is that: A) these guys are terrible, I know them, they're not attractive, nice, or even good people (that was my first problem with it), and B) I think she thinks it's a means to an ends of dating. I don't know, I love Tanzen, and I feel protective over her, even if I'm a dumbass and do a lot of retarded shit with my body. But, I don't believe I can die, because I'm a teenager, and I have no brain.
Speaking of me believing I can't die, a girl I know died this week. Really weird shit, because she was one I've talked about here before I think.
Well, I give you her backstory: Last year, when she was a freshmen, she fell in with a few of my friends who were basically making themselves perfect candidates for future crackheads (I mean that literally), and so they all began to try any drug they could get their hands. This led to many of them getting sent to inpatient and outpatient rehab. She got sent into inpatient rehab for like multiple months, came home for two weeks, and then got sent right back. I remember, last year, we were all sitting at lunch and she would sit with us. She was talk about getting the results of a drug test back, and it came up positive for: opiates, cannabis, and PCP... and then she says to us, "But, guys, can someone tell me what PCP is?" I was about to start laughing, but I managed to keep my mouth shut and focus on my food. Apparently, she ODed on 'Trip C's'... Of all the drugs to die from, CODEINE. Now, having personally never tried codeine, but knowing that it's the low man on the totem pole, here are my two theories: A) the acetaminophen in tylenol3s, as in all products, can kill you if you take too much because your liver cannot process it fast enough, which means that she most likely really ODed on tylenol (haha, I know my shit man, I'm still a nerd at heart), or B) she somehow managed to get a LOT of codeine. But, the first part is obviously more likely, which is sad. I'm thinking about going to her wake, because in some ways, I did know her and she seemed like a nice person. If anything, she was just a bit clueless about life, which is sad.
I've been pondering getting high today, here are my two concerns: 1... my friends wanted to go sledding really trashed, I think I'm being roped into smoking weed, and they want to drink too, so I have to choose. 2... I don't want to be nodding out on my Lauren's couch with her parents home, thinking, "what the fuck is wrong with Lucy?" Actually, it's Lauren's birthday today, she is turning the big ONE EIGHT, and so it would be kind of assholeish of me to get high before I go over... not that I haven't done it in the past, it just feels like a while.
Zack should be coming over and hanging out today, and I really can't wait. I really like him... it's kind of terrible. He likes me too, I know it, it's obvious. He has hair down to his waste, and I have like no hair, so it's a really funny pair that we make. We play guitar together, he even thinks my singing is good, haha, he obviously must like me because that's a hefty lie right there = ).
I'm leaving for TX on the 23, and I'm psyched for Xmas! It's going to be so much fun, I seriously cannot wait, but who can ever wait for Xmas? I can't wait to hang with my cousins, it's going to be great, they're my favorite people, EVER. Haha, family fun in TX, it's going to be great.
I'm doing well in school, I have an A+ in Statistics and LATIN. I've never gotten an A+ in Latin, so I kind of want to start praying to God or something, because he obviously had a hand in that.
I've been going to shows for the past 5 weekends (besides one, which was my friend's birthday party in Brooklyn), which has meant me in NYC as well. I really am an NYC punk at heart, no question. I love my scene, it's the greatest place in the world. It's funny because I really do have so much NYHC pride, even though I'm from Jersey. You can all give me shit for that, but, taking Jordan's advice, I'd just tell you, "fuck off" and if you kept going well I'd probably say something like, "do you want to go?" And me being, so intimidating (lies...), you would be afraid and run in your little shiny boots. Haha, there is a girl and her crew that my friends and I have beef with. I HATE HER. She looks kind of like Chris Crocker, the one who was all LEAVE BRITENY ALONE! She's ugly as fuck and is such a little myspace whore. The funniest shit is she is bragging about being friends with this guy Blackout Matt who is friends with everyone, and I was like, "haha, everyone is friends with him, you're not special." The funny thing is that all of these grey-hairs have adopted me as like their little teenage punk to look after. Seriously. They hang out with me at shows, some give me whiskey and beers, they give me their band's shit for free. Papa Jay is my adopted father, who gives me whiskey of course. I love him, he's so cool, and he supports all of my crazy creative shit I do. But, yeah, that girl can suck it. The only thing I worry about is that there's going to be a show on the 27th that I know her and her friends will be at. I won't be there because I'll be there, but my other friends will be. I don't want her messing with my friends, I get very mama tiger around my friends who are girls. Mostly because out of all of them I am the only one in the pit with the boys, the only one who could take a fight, who would take a fight. If she fucks with my friends, then it's on. No one can fuck with my friends and get away with it. Even if we fight and I get really fucked up, I'd rather that then her giving my friends shit.
BTW, I'm working on my chap book of poetry for the New Year, it should be fantastic (obviously). Haha, so, I'm sure that will be exciting. I'm trying to get more bands to let me read poetry at their shows, because it's so much fun. Yeah, I love it... I feel really cool when people call me "Lucy B." because that's like my name. Woah, I have a nickname in the NYC punk scene. Stop laughing, it's really cool to me! = ) Haha, I'm such a teenager.
Well, guys, merry Christmas! Happy Chanukah! Happy New Years! I'll be posting to y'all in the new year, if not sooner... with some resolutions, hopefully. = )
Check ya later!
Love from the East Coast! = )
- Lucinda!
2 comments:
Sorry to hear that somebody you knew died. But...Actually, Triple C's are Coricidens. It s the DXM in them that gets you high. I used to take them ALL THE TIME back when I was sixteen/seventeen. I Od'd three times from them. They're bad news, but a good high. Glad you FINALLY updated! Was gettin worried about you! Oh, haha, you missed the big Blogger fight, haha between Me, FractalMom and sum Anon. funny ass shit!
Hmm... Okay, well then that makes more sense. I was gonna be like, "You died on codeine... What the fuck?" A lot of people were thinking it was a suicide, but I'm pretty sure she just ODed. It's so weird, mostly because she's a SOPHOMORE in high school, and I just wish that that shit didn't happen for them. The younger grades are getting more and more fucked up. 8th graders shouldn't be having sex, 9th graders shouldn't be going to rehab, and 10th graders shouldn't be ODing.
DXM is a good high. I can't deny that.
Haha, I wish I had seen that, I'm sure that Anon is cowering in a corner somewhere now. ; )
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