Elevation

It was a half day today, so we got out at 12... I filled up my car with gas at the sketchy gas station. I couldn't understand the Indian man with the really thick accent there. Situations like that intimidate me because I feel bad, having to say, "What??" After that ordeal, I landed at Lauren's house, and we waited and waited and WAITED for Nina to come over or for Zack to be ready. But, Lauren and I decided to fuck it and we walked out and started to smoke. However, her pipe is really shitty and hard to take big pulls off of, so we stopped and right as we did, Nina appeared with two joints. She wanted to hike up this big hill, but Lauren and I were both hesitant (it's the size of a mini-mountain, very stiff and slippery due to leaf litter, and we would be high). 

Anyway, we got outside and we went to this fort in the wood that the neighbors built. We got inside and smoked the two joints at the same time, which was hard and annoying. Haha, Lauren was impressed with Nina's "craftsmanship," because she used magazine for the filters. So, after smoking both of them we headed onward. After much climbing, and my own issues, as I tried to mount it on my hands and feet (I felt like such an animal, I was also positive I was gonna fall down and die, haha, but it was still fun). When we reached the top, which is near the road, we found some animal bones. As we dug them up it was really funny, because this man legit slowed down to a stop and just stared at us. We all decided that he might be about to call the cops, so we better get the last of the bones and head back down. (During this time we also had to keep stopping Nina from lighting the woods on fire, haha). 

We got home and ate cheese doodles (which are apparently MADE OF REAL CHEESE, which was an exciting discovery, haha) and we watched dumb videos on youtube which were supposed to "enhance" our high and make the walls move and shit. It did that somewhat, but it was hard for me to focus on it and I kept getting distracted. Also, there was one where the guy kept talking and I couldn't handle it, I was laughing hysterically and shit. IT WAS RIDICULOUS. After way too much of that, I decided that it was 3 and I better get home to do homework and practice bass and go to pit practice. 

Zack was still MIA until I was driving home when he texted me. I kind of fought with him last night, and was in a shitty mood. I felt bad taking it out on him, but I didn't on some level. He kind of deserved it. He didn't understand that the fact that he didn't give me my Valentine's present wasn't about WHAT it was, but that he got it thinking of me. Also, I mean, it's super late. Apparently he spent 30 dollars on it, or at least that's what Lauren remembers him saying.

Today at school, due to African American History month, we had some of the African American students speak and we had a reverend speak. This one guy did, whose super cool, and everyone loves him. I could definitely see him as the president of the United States, he's so charismatic and intelligent, we've always believed that he would become a politician. The Reverend sucked balls, he had no idea what to say, and you could see he was freaking out. This other girl sang and she was AMAZING. It was so impressive. My friends thought it was actually pretty good, which I was surprised about, seeing as how my friends can have a hard time taking stuff like that seriously.

I have pit practice later... ugh... I haven't practiced at all. I am so lazy in that respect. I haven't done any homework either and I'm still a bit high. It's hard for me to handle focusing on shit when I'm this tired. I think I'm gonna nap for 30 minutes and then practice... and then eat...

FOOD. haha. Oh man, I'm going to have no brain cells by the time I'm 20...

I reminded Nina to pay back the other Nina, because she shorted her about 7 bucks, and it was a sale. I feel bad when I tell people shit like that because occasionally they get offended when I'm like, "Yo, so and so was talking about you doing this, and you need to fix it before they get pissed." I can't help it, when I'm high I just want to play the middle man, but it can be bad.

Anyway, I'm going to go and take a nap or watch tv, and waste some more of my time. I'll take pictures of the bones once they are bleached.

Love,

- Lucy = )

I tried to find videos of "Elevation" by Television, but all of the ones on youtube aren't the real band or are of U2... how lame. Anyway, you should look up Television, one of my favorite bands and Tom Verlaine, the lead singer, is from my hometown. = )

Strange

It's not really how I feel. I feel like reality is biting me in the ass. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, feeling like a combination of booze, candy, and pills were about to jump out of stomach (kinda hoping they would, seeing as how I felt like I was dying). Yeah, I was a dumbass and now I feel really shitty and I don't plan on doing that ever again. Tanzen mixed the remainder of our vodka with cranberry juice and mandarin orange seltzer... IT WAS NASTY. Anyway, I drank it... enough of it, to get me close to drunk, but not (as Santina would describe my antics occasionally) "WASTED!!!". Santina, Tanzen, Ned, and I went out to dinner last night and then hung out around the Village. We went to my favorite record shop "Bleaker Street Records" and then we went to Ned's house. Walking down St. Mark's we saw some Crustys that I had kinda met at a show at ABC No Rio at the WWIX show there a month ago, or so. One of them talked to me, and was kind of cute. I don't have a problem with crustys, some people really don't like them, but they don't bother me. We're just different styles really, that's the major difference. I was saying that to them as we walked West and they walked South towards the LES. I forgot to tell you guys that I'm the leader of the GB Crew, which is my crew of friends. Basically, my goal with our crew is to A) have an awesome time, B) eliminate "Archey" from our shows, C) protect the teenagers (especially the youngsters, like 14/15 year olds) from assholes like "Archey" beating them up, and D) make ourselves kind of like staples of our shows. Tanzen says I'm a born leader, I don't know if I'd agree with that, but I like to imagine that it's true. Anyway, the GB Crew is going to keep making the NYC punk scene as awesome as we can.

I am just feeling shitty, my stomach hurts, my head doesn't feel great and I keep having nasty dreams about getting caught with drugs or doing drugs... or something.

Two nights ago I dreamed that my father was going to give me a drug test requiring a urine sample. But, my rents left the house? And suddenly I was alone, and there was this bong for some reason, but it was like a graduated cylinder at the same time (dual functioning bong and graduated cylinder... for the stoner in every scientist). Inside of it there were tablets or pills or something, for a reason I don't know. Anyway, it was very bizarre, and then I woke up and shit. Then last night, I had a dream about my father coming into my room. I was laying in my bed and he was talking to me. I was talking about how I was feeling really bad and my stomach really hurt. He then replied with something about how it was going to hurt one of us more (I can't remember which one of us) and that I was going to get a blood test tomorrow. I'm so glad that that was just a dream. Fucking, obnoxious shit. I don't quit worrying until I'm in the clear for testing negative for any drugs that I've used in urine or blood tests.

This nausea is shitty at the moment. I feel kind of like just laying in a ball and not moving, but I want to finish up my homework and then see Zack. He's gonna give me my Valentine's day gift today. = ) I think its either flowers or a teddy bear (I kinda asked for the bear, because I saw it when we went out to dinner, and it was adorable and cliched and shit... and I wanted it!) mostly because he refused to put it in his backpack and bring it into school. I played him a song... and gave him the CD "Lust for Life" by Iggy Pop (I wanted to give him the Buzzcocks album "Singles Going Steady"). I played him the song "Love You More" on guitar... and it was really awkward, but fun kind of. I get embarrassed easily when it comes to lovey-dovey shit. He thought it was "cute." Haha, I guess that's what I'm aiming for.... or something? I have no idea, I'm bad at being all cutesy and shit.

My one teacher yelled at me in the hallway for missing her class 4 or 5 times. Not, 7 or 8, not 10 or 12, 4 OR 5 TIMES. This woman is on crack. I think she thought I was cutting because my homeroom teacher thought I was on a field trip, so I don't know, maybe it came up that way. But I wasn't, I was legitimately sick. Only once did I cut her class, and that was a while ago. It was at least over a month ago. This woman is such a bitch, and I'm going to make her feel really shitty when I come in and tell her that it was for arthritis. Maybe that's a bitchy thing to do, but it's the best ammunition I got when it comes to teachers, because it's not a direct conflict, it just makes them feel bad. Honestly, making other people feel shitty is a lot more powerful than yelling at them, because that just makes them feel angry. I don't know. I was legitimately in a lot of pain, I have never missed school due to arthritis, besides last Thursday, because it really did hurt.

Anyway, I gotta get to doing homework.... because well... it's important? And I can't seem to be a slacker. It's just not in my nature, unless, I know it won't matter. So, I should go get on that. I also gotta make another GB Crew t-shirt, this will be the third. I gotta get some black pain to cover up part of this one because there's a design on it that she doesn't like.

Well, I'm off!

I hope y'all have a lovely Sunday and week until I'm back!

Love,

- Lucy = )

Give me the cure...

I've been home all day... my arthritis was so bad this morning and I decided to say fuck it, and after a few dirty looks from my mother and enough guilt to last me a few hours, I went back to bed. I exchanged the DC skate pants I had been wearing for my jammies, and headed to bed still wearing the pink dress that I like wearing over pants. And here I am, still in the pj bottoms and dress, with an ancient hoodie (I've had this shit since like 7th or 8th grade, haha). Well, after really waking up around 9:30 and finding myself in need of something a bit stronger than two tylenol (I don't know how normal people use that shit to ease their pain, I took some of the extra strength and I still felt like crap), I popped a few hydros and lounged around watching TV. My arthritis hasn't been this bad in my back in... well, honestly, it's never been this bad for this many days in a row. I've been trying to not play guitar and watch too much TV, instead of finishing up this book. I've only read like 60 pages, and I have 50 pages to go. The test I was supposed to take was moved to monday at lunch (THANK GOD, I WAS GONNA FAIL THAT SHIT). I'm hoping that my mom makes burritos for dinner... she let me and my dad pick, and he let me pick. I was really nice to him today, I was just too high and too out of it to care. The dog peed in the living room for no reason, so that was bad. It means that I lit a bunch of weird scents of incense (which was a recipe for disaster, yet I still did it), and now my  room is kind of irritating my throat and nose... yeah, I don't know why I did that... I lit the really odd strawberry incense that I got in Austin... it smells like shit, and yet I lit it... Haha, obviously, my mind was not completely thinking.

I kind of bitched out Zack last night, for no reason. But, I apologized, and he was still sweet as can be... I don't understand it. Haha, he's too good to me. Nina R was saying that he thinks so highly of me and not to blow it, etc. Which I thought about today, its one of the reasons I'm not honest with him about a lot of shit, because I feel like he thinks of me in a way that I don't want to lose. I say that I love Zack. I love him as a friend, and I couldn't ask for more in a boyfriend or any man. I guess, I don't know if I really "love him" though. He's just perfect, and I don't know what to think about it. Well, either way, I'm glad that he's mine. He's a great guy.

I'm going to go back to reading and listening to Fugazi...

I guess the reason that I fell in love with this song was because I discovered it after having arthritis for 2 years. As a 13 year old kid, I was angry and I didn't know why mostly. I knew that I was pissed that I wasn't normal, and that no one understood that. I knew that I was pissed at my father on some level, for making my mother be depressed. I knew that I was pissed because I felt like compared to all the money in the world, to me, I didn't mean shit to my dad. I guess that anger never really left and thats why this song is one of my favorites. Probably my favorite song ever.

I'm actually in a pretty good mood.

Have a good night guys!

- Lucy <3

Rudie Can't Fail

I've been listening to the Clash all day. If you wanna know a few songs I really like, if you don't know the Clash that well, check out: "Rudie Can't Fail," "Hateful," "Lost in the Supermarket," "Clash City Rockers," and "SPANISH BOMBS." I love Spanish Bombs, when we were in middle school, Nina would always sing, haha. = )

I was gonna go to that show last night, but on Friday my Papa texted me telling me that it was 18+ and Keith told me. Haha, and then I complained to Justin about it. It was an interesting hour of conversations to say the least, but Justin and Jay cheered me up. = )

Anyway, on Saturday I hung with Lauren, who thought she was on her death bed due to her terrible sinus infection. We watched random ass shit on TV, and then some Flight of the Conchords (which is one of my favorite shows, but I can only watch it on youtube because I don't have HBO = (. Her parents made seafood and steak to celebrate her dad's promotion, which is really good for her family, and so it was a really good meal. Obviously, haha, we had a very romantic dinner. Zack took me out on thursday, and I think I'm going to bake him a cake as his present for V-day.

Then on Sunday I travelled into Brooklyn, and mass-transit was working fairly well, which made me happy. Santina was going to hang with us, but then couldn't because her mom wouldn't let her. Tanzen and I met up and she gave me a Valentine, it had this little card which said, "You know that I will love you no matter what you do. Just make your choices wisely and to yourself be true! I love you!" I just feel guilty for making her worry and shit. I don't know, I feel guilt for telling people shit, I know people care, even when I feel like a mediocre shit head, people give a fuck about me. Thats a good thing because I've realized that a lot of my issues are due to my fucked up relationship with my dad. I've realized that my distance from him in my childhood due to his work in China and in CA has made me hate him in some ways, because when he came back and wanted to be my dad it just didn't make any sense. I love him, I just wish he could be more like he was when I was a kid and not some crazed old man, who I hate.

It was just me, Tanzen, and her sis. No one else was around so we got a wee-bit drunk, and watched Empire Records and then we walked around their neighborhood in search of coffee. It was fun we played this card game called "haberdashy" (no not a men's hat shop). It's like gin-rummy without having to take turns, so its a lot faster and so much fun. We gave each other nicknames, I was "Rebel" because of my cliched can-throw onto a lawn we passed. Tanzen's sis said to me, "Oh, RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE." Haha, and so we all laughed about it, "I was like, oh yeah, that's how I role. Yeah, I'm not even gonna pick it up." We all joke about me and my "hardcoreness" because I prefer not to fight with my parents and I get good grades and shit like that. I mean, I'm a good kid, with a few flaws, haha, and people think its funny that I am a "punk." The next day we woke up and wanted to go to Voxpop, our favorite coffee shop. It's an awesome place! It's where I got my anarchist calendar there last year, haha (now think about THAT). But, its not serving food due to some trouble with the city of NYC, so we went to this other place. Not as good, but cheap, and we found a table to eat and play cards at.

Right now, my fellow GB Crew member and I, Hughie are discussing plans for the weekend, crew t-shirts, and his band. I'm thinking that his band might play my b-day show, because I'd love it, and it'd make me happy. They said that I could make their shirts for them, which is awesome to me. I made our crew's t-shirts, I drew the stencil, and we're all going to have one.

I know it's pretty sexy across my "lovely rack" with my classy flannel. At the moment I'm wearing that flannel with obnoxious new plaid pants.

At the moment I am also talking to my friend Nina (not the one pictured) about her ex who just called and said he has HPV, and that she gave it to him, or he gave it to her, or something. She apparently came back clean last time she was tested, but she'll probably get tested again, which is good. I worry about her, she's one of my dearest friends, and someone I've been good friends with since we were 11. Nina and I are fucked up in different ways, she was diagnosed with nymphomania after being raped at 15. She went to therapy and is now doing really well, and is basically cured, which is great! She's a lot happier now I think. She's dealing now, which kind of makes me sad, but its alright I guess. I tell people to buy from her and stuff, I don't know, I just try to be helpful. She almost had someone come to my street and buy from her tonight, and I told her absolutely not. I don't know, but that's invading my space, and its one thing to do it with my friends outside my house, if they were already here hanging, but some random girl who is only an acquaintance of mine is a definite NO. Lauren was trying to goad me into saying it was okay, but I stood my ground and Nina was cool with it. Her, Lauren, and Sam came over tonight and we played cards and watched clips of Maury on youtube. I have to post this one video it was AMAZING.

I'm wathing intervention and talking to people online. It's almost too entertaining for my drug addled brain. After this I'll probably read some blogs, do some sudoku, play some guitar, and then maybe around 3 or so I'll go to sleep. I like fighting sleep, haha, it makes me happy.

With my new darker hair, I wanna try new makeup, haha. I put on mixed lilac, teal, and dark blue eyeshadow together, which made my features darker. I kinda like it. I also brought some new red lipstick, because I'm so pale and now have dark hair, the combination with dark makeup kinda looks really good. Haha, I don't know, I love trying new makeup, it's entertaining.

= )

Well, guys, I love you all!

I hope you had a fabulous weekend!

Love, 

- Lucy

HEY ASSHOLES!

Anons!

I don't care what you say. 

If you're losers enough to come to my blog and make comments about how I look, well, it doesn't really matter. Have you ever thought that nobody cares? Because I definitely don't.

You need to get a life.

= )

Ironically, I get guys and I get their numbers. Obviously, not yours. But, I wouldn't want to do anything with someone who is loser enough to spend their time commenting anonymously on teenagers' blogs.

Seriously?

Come on now, lets all be real.

"The clothes that I wear, and the color of my hair, I'm a rocker."

If anyone can name the artist and the name of the song, I'll be quite impressed.

I'll give ya a hint. They're English. = )

BTW, excuse my face, its all unmade up because I'm about to go to bed. = )

Okay, so, beyond the lovely song reference. Yes, I have new hair. It is not as pink as it was over the summer, but still quite a nice shade, with the rest of my head being a dark, dark blue. If I had bleached it, as always, it would have been better, but it works.

I gots my report card (notice the irony) this week. I made the honor roll. = ) And I got As in half of my classes, which means that I got As in two APs, and Bs in the other two. GOOD SHIT.

Today, sadly, I found out that the show I wanted to go to was 18+... FUCK MY AGE. Even Justin, my dream-man, who is all of 39 years (you wouldn't guess he's a day over 27, though), was pissed for me, he was like, "What, you miss it by like 2 weeks?!" We were agreeing on the unfairness, and Papa Jay was preaching patience to me over texting. Haha, oh my heroes, always helping me through rough mental states.

This week I also punched all my mediocrity away, in the form of the wall. Which made me feel a lot better at the time, but now the cut on my finger from it kind of burns and I'm almost all out of bandaids...

I was so suped to go get really trashed and go to the show, so now I only get to get really trashed and possibly wander the streets with Tanzen. Oh, its sad. Let me tell you. I have more news about my own desire to get FUBAR this weekend, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow if things go as planned. Crossing my fingers and hoping I make the right decision.

I'm tried, my eye is burning, and I'm ready for sleep. I'll talk to you guys hopefully tomorrow.

= )

Love ya!

Lucy

"Lucy B. is better than Robert Frost"

That was the title under one of the photos from the show Saturday night. It was one of the greatest show's I've ever been to. It's was in a small record shop, packed to the brim. I got there around 2:15 and talked to Matt (a friend of mine, and the lead guitarist of the headlining band). He requested that I play my hit single "Jacob's Dad." Figuring that I would be up for it, I agreed to it, especially because I knew that most people I knew really loved the song. Tanzen get's there and, as we are want to do, walked down the street to mix our two big bottle of cranberry-vodka. Well, needless to say, but 3:30 in the afternoon I was buzzed. At 4:30, after two bands and two poems, we had finished one and decided to go pick up some water and pretzels and to rest our stomach's for an hour. Why? I don't know. I knew that at the time if I continued to drink at that pace I would be a wreck by the end of the night. Anyway, the place gets more packed, more great bands play, and I'm greeting everyone I know, handing out chap books (I should have made way more) and drinking. Well, as it says on the back of my chap book: "If you see her, buy her a beer." Some woman did just that, and the other adults that knew me gave me parts of their beers, or gave me whole beers. I finished the next bottle of cranberry-vodka and took sips from other people's drinks, and passed on a medium beer (not a tall boy, and not a regular size... what's that called? Because I like those and I don't know the name for it) and a regular sized one to my friends (one was a nasty yellow canned one, and the other was, my personal fav, PBR = ). My friends were appreciative. Needless to say, when I went up to play my song, I was drunk and so were most of the audience. Although I messed it up a lot, everyone found it funny, and we had a good time with it! Haha, I'm so ridiculous. I basically spent 8 hours of saturday drunk. I talked to a few people who I find really cute who I've only oggled from afar (like... METAL CHRIS... oh, he's sooooo fine, and E-arly... two HOT guys) and I almost talked to Pat from Reagan Youth, but mostly just stood next to Papa Jay and listened to them talk (I really did feel like his kid at that moment). We then, Jay, Sarah (his GF), and I, went to a diner. The first one was closed, but the second one was open and during this time my parents were frantically calling my cell phone, which I was too drunk to realize was vibrating. After some damage control, and some sobering up, I was back on the train home to NJ. I did see my crew's arch-nemesis there. She was supposed to jump us or some shit, but she was very "buddy-buddy" to me. I figure it's like this: you don't jump someone who everyone in the room was just applauding and talking to. I'm kind of becoming the darling of the scene? Haha, at least, that's what I hope. = ) I love all the adults there, they're so cool and always telling me how great I am or giving me shirts or CDs (not that most bands don't do it) or beers. It's just too much fun!

I'm doing well in school. Making the grades and working hard. My lowest grade is in English, I have an 84 and I only got a 77 on the midterm... I was tied with someone else for lowest midterm grade in the class. 

Anyway, everything else is good. I'm going to upload some pics from the show to show you guys my classiness. = P

BTW, I figured I'd stick in a classy picture of me and the cranberry juice. The girl with the pigtails beside me is Tanzen... WE HOT. = P

So, yeah, now I'm off to orchestra pit practice. I hope y'all enjoy my stellar photos!

The show was amazing! Great bands! Great people! Just an all around blast! My b-day show is at the same place, sadly MDC is playing somewhere else that same day, so I'm hoping that people show up! = )

Check ya later!

- Lucy B.