1.) boy problems - Jordan is too old for me, but we're good friends. Zack is still just my bff, and that's how I want it. Anthony is still himself, which means I still like him a lot and he still sucks.
2.) applying to college - I just want to finish it. It's stressing me out and making me a bitch.
3.) my father - he's always fucked up. And then he acts like a dumbass and I don't want to hear it. Even my mother is tired of it. He's a freeloader, he's a fucker, and I hate him. I love him, but I want to be nothing like him.
I'll leave it at that. I just don't feel like thinking about it.
I hope Mel is okay. She's just amazing. Haha, the coolest girl on here by far. = )
Well, I'm going to go!
- Lucy
"Why Can't I Touch It?" by the Buzzcocks
BTW, my friend told me that: "you cant touch it because u are awkward!!!"
Haha, it's probably true. = )
4 comments:
i am 21 and have been on heroin since my teens. i remember being 17 and on it. your posts felt very similar to what was happening to me at the time. its a very awkard period; i too, kept it together by attending school and having a job so on the outside everything looks ok to people, but give it another year, perhaps a little more, perhaps a little less, and boy, you can't hold it down any longer. it happens to the best of us, and nobody is immune. problem is, i didn't want to stop so it is all down to you. i'll follow this from now, i wish you all the best. x
It gets better, I promise. I know that this reads as pretty lame, but college is a blast, and the undeniable suckiness of high school disappears quicker than you think.
I hope you get to see the Buzzcocks live, if you haven't already. Easily one of the best punk shows you'll ever see.
o dear me families, who'd have 'em
??
re applying for college I remember when I was supposed to be doing that
I got NO encouragement or support, at least not of the kind I felt I required, at the time
in fact I was in such a quandry I felt I only sorted the situation out when I decided to miss that year's deadline and apply for "deferred" entry
having said that, I'd no money and nothing much to do in that deferred year (met loads of people who'd done similar years basically drifting when I did get to uni so I was hardly unique...
but that gap year basically felt like doing time. living in the parental home. still an overgrown child and just longing longing for my freedom
when I did get the freedom though I just went nuts it was crazy I found something called "drugs" that I'd never had any interest in whilst still at school. this had a lot to do with being in Wales at the end of the hippy trail surrounded by the children of 1st generation hippies. i felt they were anathema to me. and because I associated drugs with that and smoking nasty joints ~ which never appealed anyhow. if I was going to try drugs I'd at least want to try something STRONG... so I never got into drugs at all until this girl came up to me and said "have you ever tried ecstasy? there's a party at the weekend..."
it all kicked off from there!
Thanks Naomi, I've actually been doing pretty well lately. I'm almost impressed with myself.
Ben - Yeah, everyone says that the same thing about college. I definitely can't wait for that, it's gonna be great, I know it! = )
Gledwood - What are these drugs you speak of? And these STRONG drugs... hmmm... Haha, that whole thing about finding STRONG drugs is definitely a factor in why I started using. I mean, you gotta one up everyone else, right? = )
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