Kicks

Fuckedy fuckedy fuck. Tomorrow is prom. No. I shit you not. Tomorrow is prom. I am having some issues dealing with the stress of getting all ready and shit for it. Also all of the money its costing me is driving me up a tree, its driving me bananas.

What's more concerning is that my entire class, including me and my friends, are going down the shore for the weekend. This is obviously gonna be a lot of fun, and I am excited to get retardedly drunk (but not puking) with my friends (who I will most likely have to clean up after, because they are self-proclaimed light-weights). Haha, its kind of adorable (until they puke). We're buying an 8th and I think bringing down 2 30-packs (but I think I'm gonna see about getting some Bud and some PBR, because apparently my friends don't like appealing beer). What I am concerned for is that someone is going to get arrested. And possibly me, or one of my close friends. This will mean a lot of annoying shit for some of us to deal with, and a lot of terrible repercussions. I can't get in trouble because I need a visa for studying in France next year. Anyway, I'm trying not to have a panic attack, which is making me pine for some medication, but there is none to be found, so I keep just sleeping it off. The only thing that I have been taking to help is Ambien CR because it takes my focus away from the panicky feeling and onto the thought of something for my brain to snack on until I fall asleep for a long while.

The only real news I have to report on the topic of drugs is:

A) I have done coke. I was so drunk and hopped up on Amp (I was trying to sober up using energy drinks), that I barely felt it. But I DID feel the hangover the next day, and it was terrible, especially because I couldn't sleep due to all the caffeine I had been chugging. I don't know if I'll ever do that again, probably if my friends are doing it next time and not creepy 26 year olds who want to get in my pants. (BTW, totally didn't work, still a virgin, haha).

B) I've realized the lay of the land when it comes to drugs in the scene:

• Crusties (homeless) - They're main real estate is H (and booze).
• Regular punks - Booze, weed, speed, and cocaine.
• Skinheads - Booze and cocaine.
• Crusties (not homeless) - Weed and booze.

At least, this is what I've gathered from what I've seen and experienced. It's mostly accurate for what's going down out here, but obviously, some people only do one thing, some people do several. I find it interesting to see whose doing what. Mostly I just know regular punks, and I see mostly crusties and punks at the shows I go to, depending on the band. Skinheads sometimes turn out to the shows I frequent, but usually if they are there only one or two unless its a hardcore band.

I don't know, I'm trying to calm down. I almost slapped my boss today. Did I tell you, I'm working at a title insurance company? It's terrible as fuck. I make 35 cents above minimum wage, my boss is such a money grubber. Anyway, I was Skyping a fellow employee, and I said "Yeah, that's what I meant, sorry." My boss saw this, and while she's on speaker phone with a client, runs over to my desk waves her hand in my face and tells me that, "NO Y-E-A-H, NO YEAH, WE ONLY USE BUSINESS LANGUAGE. BUSINESS LANGUAGE!" Now, if you want to shut me down, well that's a pretty great way. So before I could yell at her that I'm not a fucking dog and haven't been trained to respond to hand signals, I told her that I wasn't feeling well (she had mentioned something about how I had looked tired earlier), and preceded to leave. She can kiss my ass if she thinks she's gonna treat me like that. Fuck her. I'm not gonna take that.

Anyway, I've missed you guys since I've been off. When I'm depressed I have trouble going on the computer, also, without drugs the internet can make me feel panicky and I worry about what people will say and what I will have to deal with, etc. etc. (I know it's ridiculous, but that's just how my mind works).

I love you all!

- Lucy = )