Reckless Abandon

I've been super bored this week (as you can see by all the posts), and everyone has been gone (yes, I had nothing to read from Mel or Gleds) and I had plenty of time to read because I was super sick. I'll start this post where my last one left off.

So, way against my better judgement, I decided to drive to the Bargain Box... I was feeling so fucked up in the car, I was going about 10 miles under the speed limit and when I got to the parking lot it was all full and as I tried to turn around this old woman was giving me the weirdest look. It would be my luck to hit these parked cars right now... What's she looking at? I should flip her off... So, I finally got inside and looked around. I found this ridic jacket for halloween, I might be Stevo from SLC Punk!, so this would be the perfect jacket. I know you're all very jealous, 5$! Oh yeah, I saw this flannel shirt that I thought about buying but it was about 3 sizes too big (an XL mens), so I decided not to. All of these old women were like following me and giving me dirty looks (I have no idea why all of the oldies were hating on me), and I saw this really butch lesbin (at first, I thought she was a he) who gave me a really dirty look. The woman who checked me out said, "Oh, this is such a lovely jacket." My only thought was Ma'am whatever you're on, I want. I mean, it's lovely in a super cracked out way, but not in a normal way. Anyway, the rest of the day was utterly pointless, I got home and watched TV and then I kinda went out for about 2 hours. My mom came in to wake me up for dinner and I couldn't really open my eyes, they fluttered and then shut. My thought afterwards was Oh yeah, that's totally not suspicious at all.

Today was uneventful. I went to school. My power point was not due in Enviro, so that was good. During lunch we had Latin club meeting, which was fun, I guess. Then, I had statistics, I really don't think the teacher likes me in that class. He's nice, but you can tell that he finds me distasteful. I think it's because I was supposed to be in AP, and all the kids want me to teach the class. Euro was okay, we discussed Renaissance art and I ate some potato chips. 

I went home after school to change and fix my make up. Which needs some explaining, because previously I said that Anthony was supposed to come over. What do you know, the boy had crew! I basically told him that either he makes time for me, or I dump him (well, actually, I wasn't that harsh, I just said, "Are you dating me, or the school and Matt (his best friend)?"). It's really pissing me off, but, whatever, I would never break up with him unless he severely fucked up, and I can't see that happening. I went to Dunkin Donuts, where I bought two donuts (I had a coupon), and had a very uncomfortable conversation with my friend's older sister and this stranger... yeah, my life is a partay. Then I went to the school, which reminds me, I need to fill up my car with gas. So, blah blah blah, went to the radio station, helped put down sound-proofing floor tiles. Anthony and Matt came, so I talked to Anthony and then we all got Chinese food. We all cut out at 6 (Anthony decided that he was out, if I was being kicked out of the station and because we weren't actually on air... our transmitter sucks). So, Matt, Anthony, and I sat out behind the school for a good 2o minutes shooting the shit. Then Anthony's dad was coming, so I hugged Anthony and got in my car. 

I called Lauren, and basically invited myself over. So, we hung out for about 2 hours and then Sam came over, at which point I sang her a song dedicated to her and then I sang her a song I wrote about our Enviro teacher. Then we went to Dunkin Donuts and listened to songs from the 90s and middle school (haha, we were really cool, especially because I knew all the words to all the songs that came on, I won't embarrass myself with the band names). We saw this really preppy kid from my classes in the parking lot, and he waived at me (mostly because I was kinda staring at him) and so I waived back... it was very very awkward, at least, that's how I felt inside.

We got back to Lauren's house and I felt this kind of sadness because of the absence of drugs... no, I won't say drugs, the absence of weed. I wanted to smack myself. Of all the things to really feel "sad" about, weed definitely shouldn't be one of them. Anyway, soon after Sam and I left, and I got home and serenaded my mother and my father. But, I called my father an asshole, and then he got pissed off, so I just decided to go to bed.

Tomorrow is another lovely day. Check you on the flip side! = )

P.S. on another note, I was thinking about driving around high... I have come to the conclusion that... It's very very very dumb.  And that it would be my luck to get pulled over by the cops.

Heroin

Oh, BTW, I'm going to quote unyclopedia for ya'll, because I was reading their definition of heroin and it made me chuckle:

"Heroin is a substance injected into your veins in order to feel like you've had 1,00,000 orgasms at once. Always comes in packs with tissue, and an instruction booklet provided by Pfizer. Current tagline is "Drug of champio" (the writer died of an overdoes before he could finish typing the letter "N" - shit happens). Very often people will mistake the substance for being "addictive," but we really know they are just a bunch of pussies who need to suck it up and get a job. Heroin has many uses around the house, including, but not limited to: a window cleaner, scum and dirty removal, Oxy Clean, Music Production, being Black, anti-diarrheal, cough suppressant, and penis reducer/enlarger. It is also useful for becoming "God.""

I know I posted a link to this before, but I thought I would just quote it so you didn't have to go through the hassle of clicking. = )

Astro Zombies

I'm in a good mood... I really really good mood. Partially chemical, partially natural. I've been bored and reading Gledwood's blog from the beginning. I always get into these moods where I just end up reading blogs for hours on end. Honestly, I feel so content with everything. I'm thinking about calling Lauren and seeing if her and Nina want to go to the Bargain Box with me later. I woke up this morning (as you can see by my last post) around 6 this morning. My body must be used to my regular schedule by now. I'm not really looking forward to the homework I have to do (a 1 page paper and a PP (power point) on Reagan's legislation and Rachel Carson for Environmental Science, and a paper for European History). I'm going to ask if I can wait to turn in the power point because I can't do it until my mom gets home tonight. My computer is a Mac, and our school only has PCs and so I have need to use her work computer. My dad's comp doesn't have PP on it. 

I can't wait to see Anthony tomorrow!!! He's going to come over after school and we're going to hang out... alone finally... in my room. Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm only 17, and I'm a virgin. Yeah, one of the few, the proud. Haha, my friend Ned was trying to make me feel like shit about it previously (Ned's going to end up getting some girl preggers soon, I bet), saying that he felt sorry for anyone who left high school a virgin. The reason I'm a virgin definitely isn't because I'm a prude, but because the guys I date I never really like. Sure, I'll make out with them, I'll go to movies with them, but I'm not going to have sex with them. 

The last guy I dated was a total douche-bag, he treated me like shit and told everyone about our relationship (some things you just shouldn't tell people about). The thing was, he told my friends because they were in the play with him. How dumb can you be? If you tell a girl's best friends all this shit and then you expect them not to tell her. To break up with me (which I was planning on doing anyway) he told me that he cheated on me and with who and then told me "not to tell anyone." Hahaha, I told EVERYONE! Fuck that, and everyone knew what a douchebag he was. The funniest shit is that his friends who I became closer with while we were dating actually like me better than him. Felipe kicked him the nuts (haha, in an attempt to uphold my honor). Anthony was actually friends with Will and we both agree that he's a douche bag. I also ended up keeping his guitar hero. He hasn't asked for it back and I sure as hell won't going to give it back. Ahhh to be a teenager.

I've always told people this, the biggest problem for me is that: A) I get bored with guys easily, B) I date guys mostly because I can, not because I really like them, and C) most of the guys I date don't really know how to be a good boy friend. But Anthony has beaten the odds.

Wanna know a secret?

I think... I'm going to tell him... on Friday... that I love him... AHH! Hahahhaha, okay, so yeah, I don't know, I think I will. It's kind of exciting, kind of scary, but I really want to.

I feel like I have so much to say, not that I really do, but I will probably keep talking. For Halloween I think I'm going to make myself a zombie, I'll do my make up really well (we have so much fake blood and costume make up it's kind of ridiculous) and then I'm going to buy that ridiculous jacket and I'll probably just take an old pair of my paints and slice them up. Then I'll use this white dress shirt that I got free and make it all dirty. I might stick up my mohawk and put this red gel I have in it (you know, like my hair is full of blood or some other shit, or just because it will look fucking cool!). Anthony is definitely coming to Lauren's house for her Halloween party, he doesn't like Halloween (I have no idea why, he says he just doesn't). It's looking to be awesome.

What else.... my toenails are red! Haha, I painted them a few days ago, I never paint my toenails and it freaked me out the other night. It was dark and I looked down at my feet and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my feet. I think being sick has also made me hallucinate, I was having a serious panic attack when I woke up that there were ghosts in my room and I swore that my door was open even though it wasn't.

I should probably go shower because the cleaning lady is coming today. Out entire house smells like ass (or dog piss), and I can't figure out why (the dog hasn't actually pissed in the house).

I hope this has entertained you (or at least wasted your precious time). = )

We are 138

I feel like doing a post of the perfect Misfits playlist, because I'm bored and "20 EYES IN MY HEAD, 20 EYES IN MY HEAD, THEY'RE ALL I SEE, THEY'RE ALL I SEE, WHEN YOU'RE SEEING TWENTY THINGS AT A TIME, YOU JUST CAN'T SLOW THEM DOWN, BUT WHEN YOU'RE SEEING TWENTY THINGS, WELL YOUR MIND IT JUST CAN'T SLOW THINGS DOWN!" Haha, The Misfits the perfect blend of punk and horror movies. They're also good for weening people on to punk. So, here are the top 15 Misfits songs (20 is a bit much for a playlist, I guess):

1. Bullet

2. Spinal Remains

3. Last Caress

4. Hybrid Moments

5. Helena

6. American Nightmare

7. 20 Eyes

8. Astro Zombies

9. Braineaters

10. We Are 138

11. Static Age

12. TV Casuality

13. Some Kinda Hate

14. Dig Up Her Bones

15. Die, Die My Darling

I feel like Misfits are good because it's October and Misfits are a horror punk band (perfect for halloween). And I was craving some good, ridiculous, New Jersey punk. That's right folks, Misfits are from Jersey (haha, that's not surprising at all). I personally think the two best albums by the Misfits are definitely Walk Among Us and Static Age. Both you can listen to from the beginning to the end without stopping (they're also about 15 minutes long a piece).

Misfits... how I love thee. = )

Chairman of the Bored

I'm sick from school again today. I feel like shit. I'm freezing and so I've crawled under the covers. I'm feeling a lot better, I woke up and I felt pretty horrible. But, now I'm feeling better. I have off tomorrow anyway, so I'll probably spend that relaxing and whatever. I think I'm going to go to the Bargain Box tomorrow in town and buy some clothes for my halloween costume. 10$ can go a long way there, which is good. I've been reading "Naked Lunch" still, it's confusing. Extremely confusing. I keep trying to make it make sense in my head, but I just can't. It's lots of little stories all crammed together, I have no idea where he is, what's going on, or who the people speaking are. It's still somewhat enjoyable. Every time I think I've understood it, the story changes again. I'm going to see Endangered Feces on sunday, which is cool. This girl I met at the LCB show and then saw again at the Reagan Youth show is going, so she invited me. I'm trying to get Ned to come too and maybe Alexis. Endangered Feces is cool because during their set they always throw lots of toilet paper at the audience, so there always ends up being a big toilet paper fight. It's soooo much fun, I can't wait for the show. = )

Well, not much going on, mostly just boredom. Catch ya on the flip side! = )

It's A Beautiful Day

My nose is running a marathon. It's horrible, I feel like shit and when I feel like shit I don't feel like doing anything. I basically curled up on my bed from 4 to 7, at which point I finally got up and made myself some soup. It's that new Campbell's, and it sucks compared to the old stuff. Being the kid of two working parents, I learned how to make my own dinner: soup. I'm a connoisseur of fine Campbell's condensed and noncondensed soups. Basically, I know it, I love it, and I eat it almost daily. This new soup tastes tamatoey, which completely ruins it.

My nose hurts so bad, I've been sticking Kleenex in it all day. It's raw and horrible and I feel like shit. I got home and I thought my dad was leaving when I pulled up (I did a little cheer in my mind). But, sadly he was just hobbling to get the mail. Last night he got a bit drunk and a bit obnoxious, he did the whole, "You'll be sorry when I'm gone routine." I was having none of it, so I just didn't respond. My mom said yes, I kinda wanted to shake her and ask her why she's still with him. He's a useless asshole and I hate him. He wasn't so bad when I was young, but he left when I was about 5 for 3 years in China. So basically, I didn't develop a really big attachment to him. When he came back he just assumed that he was my dad, which he wasn't. He has never been my dad. Then about 2 years later he started going out a lot again for work, so life went back to usual. And then suddenly he was home constantly. His partner robbed us out of lots and lots of money, and all this financial shit went down. So my mom, my mother who does everything for both us, had to use her hard earned money to pay for my dad. And then he hurt himself when he was working at Home Depot, and he fucked up his back. So now he's here all the time. It drives me nuts. I went from a kid who could count on being left alone (which I liked), to someone who now can't get a minute to herself. Sometimes he says things and does things that make me so angry, that I wish he could just hit me so I could kick the crap out of him. A week ago he threatened to hit me with wooden tray in his hands, and I told him to go ahead. My mom was standing there trying to talk him down. And I was dying for him to actually do it. Because at least if he hits me I can have a physical reason to show why he disgusts me. He disgusts me constantly. He doesn't give a fuck about me besides what people might think of him once they meet me. Sorry, for the rant, I'll shut up now. I've just been mulling it over and mulling over and it's driving me crazy. If I say any of this shit to people I know I just get given that whole, "Well, my parents blah blah blah." And so then I feel like I'm being a dumbass for hating him. Anyway, that's my story. I just wanted to say it once and for all. I hate to see that man in my mother's house on my mother's couch and eating my mother's food. He doesn't have that right.

Now, I'd like to sing you a song, "It's a beautiful, what a beautiful, it's a beautiful, beautiful day."

The Plot Sickens

My room is freezing and I feel like someone has hit me over the head. I woke up this morning, as per my usual with only 5 hours of sleep, and I felt like shit. My nose was stuffed and running, my throat was sore, and I kind of felt how I imagine road kill feels. My mother was not hearing it and told me to get up. I rolled out of bed, and got reading (Misfits shirt, flannel shirt, my fav black jeans, the belt I painted 2 years ago, my Docs, and my army jacket which I just finished studding saturday). Let's just say that when I got out of my car this morning I got more of the same looks from all of the kids in the parking lot, no one was smoking there cause it's too cold even for those vain fuckers. After two classes, I felt fucked, it was the whole, "I'm going to puke, crap myself, or faint, not in that order." The nurse actually let me out (what's up with that, I have no idea). My mother sounded sympathetic and wasn't angry (I asked if she was). As I trekked from the back of the school to the senior lot, I cut through the practice field. There are two ways to enter: One way is onto a path past a security guard (the one I hate, Missy), or a large gate which is not manned. Well, I went through the large gate, cut up and onto the path. I could feel someone following me, and even through the pounding sound of Reagan Youth, I heard keys jingling. The keys gave her away, but I just kept walking. She tapped me on the shoulder and looked, as always, pissed off and unfriendly. I pulled out my ID, and she let me go, "Don't cut through the practice field!" I just walked on, I didn't give a fuck, I felt like shit. I texted Anthony and told him I was sick and had left incase he was wondering, he said that he was. I texted Nina and told her I wouldn't be statistics, she told me to feel better.

When I got home my dad was there, and hadn't been expecting me. I read the first 2 chapters of Crime and Punishment for English, and then finally succumbed to my desire for sleeping at 11:50. My mother came in a few minutes later and talked to me, she was home (which is very rare) to have lunch with my father. That's the last thing I remember, and then it was 3:05 and the alarm was going off. My dad had definitely gone to the pharmacy, I listened quietly in my bed to hear if I was correct. I'm almost positive I was. I finally got up and started to read the last chapter of Crime of Punishment that was due, Anthony texted me to see how I was feeling. We texted back and forth for a while and then I left him alone.

He's been fighting for my honor (seriously, this is no joke) against our friend James, who thinks I ruined his chances to go out with this girl Brooke. Here's the thing: A) She was waaaaaaaay out of his league, he's a guy in the radio station and she's dating football players, B) I was no the one who told her he was asking her out, and C) I did so that he wouldn't be crushed. I was the first person he told (at least I think I was), but everyone knew what was going down. He didn't do it for 2 weeks (we all agree that he's a fucking pussy, and needs to grow up), but kinda feigned attempts at it. I had already talked to her about it and she was adimant that she felt bad but there was no way it was going to happen. I told him at the festival that it was definitely not going to happen. The next day he decided that he was going to almost completely stop talking to me. It's so dumb and immature. I guess he and Anthony were talking about it and Anthony was trying to convince him (of the truth) that I had only done it while looking out for his best interests. I think Anthony's words were, "that you didn't mean to do it." Now what IT is I'm not completely sure, this is implying some kind of blame on my part. Well, James can suck it, he's just pissed at himself for not having any balls.

Anyway, I'm mostly excited about a show on October 18th. It's World War IX and Blackout Shoppers, at this place about 40 minutes from my house. I'm going with Tanzen, Alexis, (maybe) Ned, (maybe) Anthony, and me. It should be awesome, I can't wait to see Justin, he's 22 years older than me.... and I have a giant crush on him. Haha, I've met his wife and he's not overly hot, he's just awesome an 39. I wouldn't mind him adopting me. I haven't seen WWIX since February and they're my favorite band, I saw Justin over the summer at a Kissy Kamikaze show and it was so much fun. I made WWIX patches over the summer and I love them and yeah. The show should be great and yeah, I can't wait.

Well, I should get to homework. I might end up going to school tomorrow and in that case I better be ready. = )

P.S. I have noticied that I feel like shit a lot, or I am sick a lot (they kinda go hand in hand), but hopefully I can get over this or whatever. Fuck, I really am sick this time.