Baby's on Fire

We walked down the steps to grab Lauren's dad a bottle of water. Her mother followed us partially down the steps. "WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO RED? HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING POT?" I tried to stop myself from giggling. Lauren starts to laugh, "No, I had my contacts in, but they were bothering me." "I didn't see you wearing them today!" Ahh, to be a teenager. 

It was another night spent at Lauren's house. "We can't eat, they always know when me and a friend go into the kitchen and just start to eat. It's too obvious." I've never really enjoyed pot (I started out with opiates, so pot was always like, "well, I have nothing better to do, so okay if you're buying it."), but Lauren is a pothead and so I find myself smoking with her every time we hang out. I don't really like thinking about how often she smokes, it's kind of depressing in a sense. I know that it's not a physical addiction (no shit, it's weed), but a mental addiction is just as bad. I've noticed that you can fuck yourself up and not really care, but watch your best friend become fucked up and it's just upsetting. She's a great musician, artist, and she's smart, but she's throwing it all away. I guess I'm being hypocritical, but I can't help it.

We watched part of Blades of Glory, which really says something about our mental state. It was free on one of those On Demand movie channels, so that's the only good part. Also, Will Arnett was in it, and he is one of the funniest people, I love him. I had a dream that I was married to him, haha. We agreed that the movie was "gay" and I mean, homosexual. It was a movie that had so much man on man sexual tension, and it was just too much. If the movie is going to be gay be gay, stop trying to make the people in it straight.

I'm actually in a good mood right now. I don't really know why, but I'm feeling joyous. High on life? Haha, I hope so. My friends and I are meeting up today to work on summer homework, so that will be...uhh... fun? I should be working on that paper for NYU, but I just can't focus on it. Hopefully it will be a lovely Sunday. = )

How is everyone else?

I have met God.

Iggy Pop is God. It is completely apparent to me that if there was some kind of Messiah it would be Iggy Pop. But, I'm sure this is also apparent to everyone else, so I will start the tale at the beginning of the night.

My friend Alexis and I met at the train station. We basically terrorized the people around us by having a very loud discussion about Iggy Pop and is very large penis, drugs, and anything else that would offend the people in front of us. We finally got to the city and we were almost attacked by the subway doors (of course). We wandered over to the venue (Terminal 5) and luckily Alexis was there to say, "Lucy, the show is not on 57th, it's on 56th." That made it a bit easier to find.

After waiting for 20 minutes we finally got inside. The audience was made up of: old men who have done too many drugs (think of Jimmy from Trash and Vaudeville), people in their 20s who were pretty normal, people who were currently too drunk or too stoned to stand up under their own control, more creepy old dudes who were really dirty, and us. Also, there were a whole lots of people who tried to push past us and move to the very front (we were standing in about the 3rd row).

We stood on the floor of the club for an hour and a half waiting for Iggy to appear. From 8 to 9:30 we waited, and waited, and waited and waited and waited and waited. People would cheer at random intervals for no apparent reason and we saw 3 people get kicked out before the music even started. I did a Richard Hell impression ("oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh") and the people ahead of us heard and wanted me to do it again (haha, I was kinda flattered).

Finally the lights dimmed and the stage lights came on. Iggy walked on stage. I just couldn't believe it. He was standing there, this man who I had idolized since I was 15 was standing in front of me. I didn't know how to react. I was stunned, there was no way that it was possible.

For the next hour and a half as I watched Iggy and the Stooges play I kept freaking out. I would start to sing and bang my head and jump up and down, suddenly I would look up and Iggy Pop was standing above me. It was the most incredible show of my life. By the end of the night I was drenched in other people's sweat and water that Iggy had thrown on the crowd, but it was glorious. I'm trying to convey something that I really can't say because to experience it you had to be there. The only thing I can say is Iggy is God.

SUCCESS!

Here comes success, over my hill, here comes success, well here comes my car, here comes Chinese rug, HERE COMES SUCCESS!

I've got a good feeling and it's leaking out all over the page. I think it was mostly getting done with the final exam yesterday. It wasn't to hard, but I think I royal fucked up the long answer which was describing Locke's philosophy on personal identity and comparing it to Leibniz and Descartes. My teacher left for a few seconds and Rob, this guy in my class, was talking with Ian. They were chuckling about the test. I looked at him and for some reason I was staring right at his arm... guess what I saw? Well, one thing he said to me made more sense. We were talking on the train (we both commute on the same line), it was the first time I had really talked to the guy. He was talking about how he was going to become president, and then how he was going to legalize and tax weed, and then for no reason he just says, "Opiates are good." My first reaction was just what the fuck? Who says that to someone they barely know? I didn't know what to say to that, I was like, "Yeah..." Now, you could make assumptions I guess about me, maybe, but it's a long stretch. So, I'm just going to assume that he just tells everyone... which leads me to wonder, are there people who do this? Like are people just like, "Hey, my name is Mark, and I really enjoy slamming smack, it's my favorite thing to do. What's up with you? I like your hair." Haha, I don't know, he's kinda a weird guy. The other night we all met up for a review session before the final. I had about an hour before the train that I was going to take and I didn't know what to do. I was walking out with him and this other girl Melissa who had to go meet her dad. I didn't know whether to go with one of them or what, and after they realized I had no where to go, Rob told me to go with Melissa because he had to meet a "friend." He walked over towards St. Marks... So maybe that last part is a stretch, okay, I'll admit that. I wish I could see the guy again, haha, I really need a life.

Wanna know what else is making today a success? IGGY POP AND THE STOOGES!!! I really can't believe that I'm going to be seeing them in concert. Most bands I like are either broken up, on hiatus, or really really old. The only big punk band I've seen is the Lower Class Brats (which was really awesome and in July, the Casualties were playing too but I hate them so I didn't stick around). Most of the punk bands I see are in tiny clubs, with 30 year olds who are all drunk off of their asses (which is generally entertaining). My favorite is this guy Justin who is also the guitarist for World War IX. I made patches for them and they always treat me like I'm way cooler than I am (haha, I'm the teenage shit head who is enamored of them... I just can't help it). Fuck, it's Iggy and the Stooges, I just can't believe it. Jim (a.k.a. Iggy) is one of the only musicians who I really look up to (not that I want to be just like him, but I don't know, he's like a musical hero who I worship or something). It's just unreal, I hope that Terminal 5 is tiny so that it's not too many people. Tickets were $45!! Which is way too high for any other band (my mom bought it for me, so actually it was free for me...). I'm definitely bringing my camera, so I'll post some pictures of Iggy in all his glory... I kinda worship him, which is kinda weird I guess.

I learned about Iggy, New Years Eve when I was 15. I was at my best friend's house and we were doing nothing as always. I remember we had gone up to the playground at the elementary school up the street from her house and had been swinging. We walked back into her house and up the stairs, which lead into her living room. Her parents were watching some music video channel and the video for "Lust for Life" came on. It was like a fire was lighted in my brain. The small leanings that I had been developing towards punk, were suddenly ignited and I knew that I had to find out about A) Iggy Pop and B) Trainspotting. In that moment I learned about my favorite musician and my favorite movie. It's weird to think about now but I have a clear memory of that like no other. (The hit I just took is kicking in... oh yes... = ) He really is very intelligent, something that most people don't realize. I guess I love Iggy because he's brilliant, he's a great singer, and just in my mind he is the epitome of greatness. This interview I'm going to post is so good, mostly because he discusses Dionysus and Apollo, which I know about from reading Nietszche. I do truly love Iggy, he is just incredible and he was soooo attractive (in this video he's just so cute). Anyway, today is going to be good.

The girl who is coming with me is named Alexis. Out Latin teacher calls her my "little sister." She is so much like me it's kind of scary (but not in a bad way). She also loves Iggy and just 77 punk in general, we both love philosophy, and Latin. I'm just going to try and keep her on the straight and narrow, keep her looking in the right direction. I believe that she can do anything she wants to do, she is brilliant (probably smarter than I am). I'm really glad she's coming with me. It's funny she came to a show of my band in the spring and I let her wear my jacket (my jacket is like my armor, it's one of my most prized possessions), she was so excited and it was kind of adorable. I think she looks up to me, which is cool, I want to be a good role model for her. I'm going to try hard and keep her away from all the bad stuff they're going to push on her. The one good thing is that I know and am friends with most of her friends and they almost all of them are straightedge. Alexis has never been to a show before. I can't even imagine that and her first show will be Iggy Pop and the Stooges. What more could you ask for?

I think I'm going to buy a poster at the show. I need one for my wall, so I hope they have a good one of that isn't too expensive. Worse comes to worse I'll just buy one at Bleeker Street Records next friday when I go back to NYC. I have a really cool Black Flag poster from the 80s that my friend bought me for Xmas. It was from England, I mean, that just shows someone's an awesome friend. I was thinking about how the stuff my friends have bought me this year for my b-day and last xmas were really good (is that weird?). I got Dazed and Confused for my b-day (which I really wanted), and for xmas one gave me a Subhumans CD and the other gave me that poster. My friends are really great when they wanna be, I do love them. They're crazy as fuck, but I love them.

Okay, so enough of this random babble, how is everyone else doing? Hope you are all having a great day! = )

School

My philosophy class is almost over (and I really should be studying). I don't want it to be over, it just sucks. I'll have to go back to regular school in the fall which is just horrible. Anyway, due to this I was thinking of this song, so (since I should get back to studying) I'll post and then say more tomorrow... = )

Honey coat it.

I walked through Penn Station this morning. What if I puked right now? How long do you think it would take for the cops to jump me? I've been feeling sick all day. It was really bad this morning, not THE sickness, but it still wasn't pleasant. Sometimes I get bad headaches and nausea combined, I guess it could be a migraine or something, but I don't really know. After I got out of class I had to sit down on a bench. The heat was hitting me. Sweat was pouring from back. My shirt stuck to my back. I stared at the ground and waited for Ned. I felt like I just wanted to curl up and try to sleep. Sometimes it's bad. I played "Waiting for my Man" by the Velvet Underground as I watched for Ned. He still didn't come. There is something that is completely sketchy about me standing around on a street corner. Look at the watch. Look down that street. Look down this street. Look at the watch. Look at the ground. Repeat. Everyone who walks down the street looks at me. I feel their eyes size me up. I used to get bad headaches when I first started using, if I'd use for 3 days and then stop. The next day my brain would just feel like someone was squeezing it, trying to pop it. I hate feeling sick. I figure if there is a Hell, it means that you feel sick for eternity. Now, that would stop me from sinning... too bad I don't believe in Hell.

Ned is an adorable straight edge boy. He believes that you can read about something and understand it. It's cute and naive. Honey, you can't understand drugs through a priori reasoning. He says that he's studied opiates. I tell him to shut up, I don't want to talk about it. He doesn't know about me. I tell him I don't want to talk about drugs, let's talk about something else. Ned is like a puppy. I worry that when he meets the real world it's going to chew him up and spit him out.

In other news: 

Everything is okay I guess. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I'll deal with it. I just have to take it a step at a time. Sometimes that's harder than it sounds, but it's all that I can do.

Back to reality

We were sitting in the living room. I was sitting on the sofa, completely calm, as they sat facing me. Nothing about this scared me, in fact, it was totally fine. My parents sat there and lovingly told me that I had to go to rehab. I was totally fine with it, in fact, I was relieved.

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. I was a bit scared. I remember thinking, "what am I going to do?" Until reality kicked in and I realized that I was not actually going to rehab, that it had only been a weird kind of dream (or nightmare, I can't tell yet). I think it's because I've been thinking about the "rehab group." I have a feeling that this dream isn't going to go away any time soon.

I spent most of this weekend hiding in my room. I enjoyed a psychedelic vacation saturday night, which resulted in 36 hours of dilated pupils. Everyone I saw kept giving me weird looks (I can't tell if that was in my mind, or reality). It's kinda fun to do that once in a while, just to take a break from reality.

Actually, I should start off talking about Saturday morning, before any of that happened. I took the last hit that I had and was planning a nice calm day to relax and nod out on. As I was sitting on my bed, and doing some sudoku my mother walked in. We were talking and then I glanced at my phone. There were more texts from my boyfriend's family. After a few texts, they asked me to help and I did. However, this heightened situation was a bit too much for me. I just couldn't deal with it, I did, but I really was not in the right mental state to be doing this (my hands were shaking as I was typing, it wasn't fun). After they found him and I talked to his sister, they thanked me and I told them that there were no hard feelings. I really do hope that his family starts to like me, it would make dating a whole lot easier.

Later on my mother and I went to blockbuster, I rented American History X and Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've only seen American History X on tv, so it was interesting to watch it with no edits. I really like the movie, mostly I just love Edward Norton. The only thing I don't like are all the dumb bigots who think it's a pro-Nazi movie. The whole point is that if there is fighting that both sides will lose. I went over to my friend's house later and we watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was so much fun. We danced the Time Warp multiple times. We're both really psyched about seeing it at the movie theatre.

It was definitely an interesting weekend, if nothing else. Today Ned and I got lunch and went to class. I feel really bad for him because his uncle/godfather is in the hospital because he has been deemed "a danger to himself." Ned is really close with him, so he is obviously not in such a great mood. I'm just trying to be nice to him, he likes to act very masculine (a.k.a. unemotional), but I know that he absorbs everything.

This week will pass, I'm just going to try to take it one step at a time. = )

How is everyone? Did you have a lovely weekend?

It's a great day!

I'm listening to the Stiff Little Fingers and I have just again realized how classic they are. "Wasted Life" is probably one of my favorite songs. Haha, it's the kinda song that I used to listen to walking into school when I was pissed off. One of those mornings when I wished someone would just pick a fight with me so that I could just hit something, anything. But today is a very happy day.

Last night I went out to dinner with two friends and a girl I'm aquatinted with. We went to this Japanese restaurant that I've been going to since I was a little kid. In fact, when my family would come in they knew us, and I think they may have recognized me last night (I have a mohawk now, but before I had shoulder length hair.) (BTW, I feel so good right now... hmm... I wonder why... ;-) The only problem with the restaurant is that it is soooo expensive. For me just getting miso soup and chicken sukiyaki with a ginger ale was at least $18. Our entire tab came out to $93, but I had a coupon so it ended up being $83. I just put in my $20 cause that's all I had, but my friend Helen was really nice and put in a $20 and the extra money and paid the tip (she only gave them like $5 cause they ignored us mostly, but I can't blame them really). Then my friends decided to go to the movies and see Dark Knight for the 3rd time (I had only seen it once before, so my 2nd time). It was waaaaay too long this time. I could barley contain myself, I was like shaking, I had to get out of there. Mid-way through my boyfriend's sister texts me asking if he is with me. I tell her that he's not. She then proceeds to curse me out and tell me that I'm ruining her brother's life and all this other bullshit. I figure that the best thing to do is to be polite and not say anything back to that. His family hates me, mostly because he doesn't tell them where he's going when he hangs out with me (that's really not my fault). To me it just seems so juvenile, this girl cursing me out who doesn't know me through text messages. I think the reason she doesn't want him to hang with me is because his family is being really nasty to him due to him hanging with me. I think it's just causing internal family drama. I don't really know what to do, so I guess I'll just see what happens. Anyway, I got home, watched Craig Ferguson, who I love. The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson is one of my favorite TV shows, I just think he's so funny. I love his monologues. Also, my pension for getting high at night means that I'm up from 12:37 to 1:37 (yes, it starts at exactly 12:37, weird isn't it?). It was a good night over all, but all of that drama was just too much for me to deal with.

The funny thing about his sister is that she runs in a crowd which I would describe as the "rehab group." The rehab group are people who have all been in rehab (usually out-patient) starting in high school because their parents or the school has caught them doing drugs. They enjoy discussing their drug use because they think it makes them cool. On a whole, I hate basically everyone in that group. They annoy the shit out of me, they are usually over-dramatic and believe that they are such badasses for being in rehab. I have a friend of mine who is in this group, besides annoying me to no end with her discussion of her own drug use (she was talking about using codeine and not eating for 3 days, and I started to laugh at her... everyone looked at me, because they were taking this very seriously, I mean, come on). She also attempts to convince us into giving her our urine (which no one ever does whose friends with me, we all think she should get into in-patient mostly because she is just rotting away her brain cells on multiple levels, though I think she stopped using opiates, also no one wants to pee into a cup on their lunch break). 

The girl who came to dinner with me is friends with a lot of these people, her name is Victoria. My best friend Lauren called her a "wannabe druggy." I believe that has to be the saddest thing I have ever heard. If your goal is to be someone who relies on drugs to feel good (or better, or whatever you want to say) that's pretty sad (and a pretty do-able goal). She's nice, has no brain, but she's nice. She also thinks I'm funny (haha, the only one I think). That wannabe side didn't come out at dinner, she just seemed like a normal, nice girl.

On August 29th I think I'm going to see the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the movie theatre. My friend Richard and I are pretty psyched. I've never seen it before, but my friend told me that I better watch the movie before I go, so I think I'm going to watch it today. Today is going to be a good day, I can already feel it!