HOT AND CRUSTY

If you've lived in or around NYC for any amount of time, then you've probably heard of HOT AND CRUSTY. The most disgustingly named bakery in the world, and the place where I met up with Jordan on Saturday. My heart kind of fluttered a little as he stood there, with his Islanders scarf and shiny-toed boots. We wandered over to the show, he made us get off at the wrong stop, I told him he was wrong, and then he turned around as me getting it wrong... DUMBASS. Anyway, we walked over to the show, which was so awkward, I can't stand it... I am SO FUCKING AWKWARD AAAAAAAH. Anyway... that was kind of terrible. He's adorable though, so it's all good. Two Man was sitting out in their van outside the show. Jordan knows them so well, and they had some extra beers and some extra seats, so we squeezed in. I felt kind of bad, I was hurting his leg when I was sitting on it. Jordan and I then went out and picked them up 2 sixers of those large cans, not a Tallboy, those are really freaking obvious, just like a slightly taller version of a regular can. At which point I remembered that old addage: PBR TASTES LIKE WEASEL PISS. It really does, the only reason people drink it is because it's cheap (7$ for a tall sixer) and it's beer. It's like water mixed with seltzer. Anyway, I finished almost the entire can, and then gave the rest to Jordan, who happily finished it. Meanwhile, my friends got into the van, and looked at me like I was weird. They get this look on their face whenever I have imbibed alcohol like: "Oh no, not this again... You better not be getting drunk."

After a bit we went in and saw the first two bands, which were okay. When the third band came on the pit really picked up though. Everyone was slamming and it was so much fun. Two Man came on and absolutely rocked it was killer. I wished they had played "Suck It Down," which would have been ironic for the venue which is: no fighting, no drinking, and no drugs. Anyway, then Deathcycle came on and that was great, besides me picturing my dad, which got me in a bad mood... Some good people showed up, which was great. My favorite adults, besides a few, were all there. This woman who is friends with a good friend of mine kept trying to get me to dance, which I did NOT want to do. I don't dance. It's not my style. Some guy picked me up and started to spin me around, and so I picked up my feet... It was so much fun! Even falling wasn't that bad, I didn't really notice until the floor was right there and people were pulling me up. It was a great show. I was the only girl, besides that woman, who was really IN the pit. Jordan was cute as always. If he could get his way he would fuck me, but he can dream. I don't know, I would date him, you know, and if I dated him I would fuck him. But I don't want to be some girl for him to fuck and then forget about. I'm not a big fan of being used as a tool. I woke up this morning in pain. Everything hurts. My ass hurts a lot from falling and my arms from pushing people in the pit. Jordan was trying to push people away from me for part of the time, and I just wanted to be like, "stop it, I've got this under control." = )

Chivalry ain't dead.

Later,

Lucy

P.S. I'm so glad to hear that Melody is back to being home and not dead... I was all sad. = (

P.P.S. Hot and Crusty is also ironic because the venue is thought of as a "crusty hang out" (if you don't understand what I just said, ask your friendly neighborhood punk).

P.P.P.S. I haven't been posting lately because of shit with school, when January comes I shall be back on just as much as before wasting my time and yours. = )

Why Can't I Touch It?

Ugh, I don't even want to go into everything that's going on right now.

1.) boy problems - Jordan is too old for me, but we're good friends. Zack is still just my bff, and that's how I want it. Anthony is still himself, which means I still like him a lot and he still sucks.

2.) applying to college - I just want to finish it. It's stressing me out and making me a bitch.

3.) my father - he's always fucked up. And then he acts like a dumbass and I don't want to hear it. Even my mother is tired of it. He's a freeloader, he's a fucker, and I hate him. I love him, but I want to be nothing like him.

I'll leave it at that. I just don't feel like thinking about it.

I hope Mel is okay. She's just amazing. Haha, the coolest girl on here by far. = )

Well, I'm going to go!

- Lucy

P.S. This is one of my favorite songs. 

"Why Can't I Touch It?" by the Buzzcocks

BTW, my friend told me that: "you cant touch it because u are awkward!!!"

Haha, it's probably true. = )

Seventeen

BREAKING NEWS:

Jordan said, "if I was 18, I would date you." Never stops to amaze me how many guys have said that to me. It's kind of sad, but okay. I figure it's probably partially because I am a virgin, which is a fine reason - I get it. He's going to help me find a guy my own age. Haha, he's a good guy and going to be a good friend... and I can always use more of those.

Anyway, I'm off to the city in a few minutes. I'm going to be "picking up the men" at the show today, as well as having a splendid time. Don't worry, you'll all get to enjoy that in detail on sunday night probably. = )

Have a great weekend!

I'm Too Good For You

WARNING: I'm about to go on the nod, so any delusions of grandeur that I may display in this post are chemically fueled, but some of them are probably totally true. = )

So, there is so much boy news I barely know where to begin...

For starters, I will say this: I'm not the greatest looking girl - I'm pretty average - but I swear, there is something about me that must make up for that fact, because I have so many options right now... it's almost ridiculous. = ) I'm going to list each boy by there name:

J - Okay, so I've been obsessing over him aaaaaaall week, and it's disturbing. I've decided to not talk to him until he texts or IMs me because I don't want to be ridiculously creepy. He's a hot, Jewish, 21 year old, skinhead... and no, I can't help myself, he's adorable and smart and funny and.... But, here's the thing, it all makes me nervous. I'm worried that it's either A) a joke or B) him trying to get into my pants. I hope that it's serious, I really like him, I don't want a serious boyfriend, but I'd like one who could take me out sometime or go to a show with me or someone that I could tend to their wounds after a fight... Anyway, it's a large predicament. We've been texting and IMing a lot, and there are a lot of signs that say he likes me but, older boys make me nervous. Out of all the guys, he is my goal. = )

Anthony - I broke up with him. It's been really weird because we still kind of act like we're dating. We see each other and give each other hugs, and stuff. I kind of miss him, I hope he can change so that we can date again. I'm just not going to be made into his last priority, no matter how much I like him. It's just not fair to me, and I can date guys who would give me more attention.

Zack - He's my BFFF... Haha, we've been chilling a lot and being idiots. We drove around and stole all of these Palin/McCain signs before the election. He also is slowly liking punk more and more. I already told him that he's going to prom with me = ). 

Here's our playlist for the car:

1. Broken Bones - The Freeze

2. I Hate Tourists - The Freeze

3. We're Not the Abnormal Ones - The Freeze

4. I'm Too Good For You - The Freeze

5. John Wayne Was a Nazi - MDC

6. Dick For Brains - MDC

7. I Hate Work - MDC

8. Slut - Charged G.B.H.

9. Spinal Remains - Misfits

10. Bullet - Misfits

11. Beat My Guest - Adam and the Ants

12. Mr. Right - Mickey Avalon

13. Jane Fonda - Mickey Avalon

Dillion - Dillion is an awesome guy, who I could definitely see myself with. He's in my statistics class and he's just so sweet. He's really like a big teddy bear and he listens to me complain and discuss all this shit in my life. I really like him, and I think he likes me... = )

Okay, so I guess what I'm saying is that I think I'm attractive... What the hell? I'm kind of surprised, ya know? That sounds conceited, but I don't mean physically, I mean mostly personality wise. It kind of makes me laugh because I mean think about this: I'm a nerdy girl, with glasses, a mohawk, doc martens, who goes to punk shows, with arthritis, who writes creepy dirty poetry, who likes the drugs a bit too much... AND I STILL GET THE MEN??? I have decided that I don't understand men at all, and I mostly don't trust them. My goal, being the angelic virgin that I am (that's actually true), is that when I do start having sex that I become really good at it. I feel like then I'd be the person that I want to be, I want to be this awesome girl, who goes to shows and all the people and bands know her, who can date most people she wants, who doesn't care what other people think, and who is great in bed... Haha, not that I'm going to get all of those things, but it would be nice. I just want a boy, whose cute, and funny, and smart, and a punk/skinhead... is that so hard to get?

Anyway, I haven't posted in like 5 days, so I'll catch you guys up on stuff besides the men... = )

So, my grades in school are amazingly stellar!

Stat = A

Environmental Science AP = A- (92)

Latin AP = A- (92)

English AP = B

Health/Gym = A

European History AP = B

I'm sure you're all very proud of me, just kidding... I don't know, it's funny but a lot of adults I know give me more props for my grades than my parents. If you would like to tell me how proud you are, feel free to do so, haha, everyone makes me feel like a shit head most of the time so it's nice to prove them wrong.

I have been procrastinating so much lately, it's ridiculous. I've been doing my homework marginally, I haven't even started studying for the SAT IIs in December, and I have barely made head way on my supplements for college (though I've finished the apps and teacher recommendation stuff). I don't know, maybe I don't deserve props, but whatever.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, like 4 hours of sleep for the past 5 or 6 nights. So, my decision to get high right now probably wasn't the best, but whatever. I should be doing homework, but I'll start sometime today... If I don't fall asleep, fuck, this just came on so strong. I think I should shower and try and see if that will keep me awake. I'm really hungry now too.

Anyway, I'll be gone tomorrow cause I'm going to a show in Queens, and then spending the night in Brooklyn. But, I'll leave you with a poem I just wrote:

Respect (or at least, that's what I'll call it for now = )

God made men to be sexy for me
To laugh and joke and talk with me.
But sometimes I worry they are looking for more
Which might make me seem like a whore.

I like this skinhead you see
He’s quite attractive and fond of me.
But he makes me nervous about some things
Because with age experience brings.

I maybe young and quite a treat
But don’t expect me to lick your meat.
I’m not a skank or tramp or whore
I’m someone that must be adored.

I’m not saying that I’m a prude
I’m just saying you best not be rude.
I like boys and men of all shapes and any size
But I prefer to keep them out from between my thighs.

Anyway, I hope you've all been great. I've been wondering about you guys. I hope your week and now your weekend will be great. = )

BTW, Melody is definitely the coolest person on here, no offense to everyone else... if you don't read her blog already, you def should. Haha, one day, I want to be as awesome as her. = )

Holiday in the Sun

My nose is so stuffed. Fuck, I'm very very sick, which sucks. Bad bad cold. It's horrible.

I visited a college today, and I really enjoyed it. Definitely going to apply there, although it's filled to the brim with hipsters.

I had a big fight with Anthony, which wasn't fun. He just doesn't hang out with me, and then he goes "oh, I'm sorry, here... do you want a hug?" NO, I DON'T WANT A FUCKING HUG! I WANT A GODDAMN BOYFRIEND. So, yeah, that's basically what my brain was screaming, but instead I just kind of decided to be withdrawn. I went and talked to my fav teacher who was in his office. He and I agree that either Anthony needs to: 1. change, 2. break up with me, or 3. I need to break up with him. There can't be a middle a ground.

And, this whole thing with Anthony has kind of turned me into a bad girl... So, there's this guy... named J, who happens to be 21. He's so hot, and funny, and smart... and oooooh, he's amazing. So, I've been talking to him online and myspace (I met him at the show on saturday). Anyway, so we've been talking lots and yesterday he went away cause he fell asleep and I was like, "Oh... I see how it is." And today when I logged back in I saw that he said, "Oh, I feel asleep, I'm sorry, if you want to text me my number is:......" Hmm...? I know, are you thinking what I'm thinking too? Sarah has found a man. I know, everyone is like... "uhh... he's 21? that's fucked up..." All I can think is, "OH YEAH!" Sometimes he says things along the lines of: we can't date, you're too young, blah blah blah. But, then we converse hours, and he gives me his number... I don't know what to think, but I'm liking it. I know, I have a bf. But, a 21 v a 15... well, the 21 year old always wins. I know, I'm a playa', what can I say? hahaha...

He had to go take a shower, so he said, "I'm going to go, but just text me if i dont get back on and your bored." I don't know what to think, but he makes me all girly, and and... oh, I'm swooning. Haha, he's going to be at a show with me in the beginning of December, and I'm psyched about that. I was thinking about going to this show next saturday, instead of the one that's all ages, and J said, "Oh, I'm going. It's 18+, but I know the guy who put it together so I can get you in."

Oh, how I wish I J was here... he's so dreamy! = )

Saturday Night

I've been talking to Jordan a lot, who basically told me that it was no biggy, that Jay will probably never give me alcohol again, and that everyone does that at least once. He was asking me about what songs the Ray Gradys' covered. I remember singing some Zero Boys songs, and that's it. Apparently there were more, but I don't remember that at all. I've never had something like that happen, even when I'm seriously high I remember what happened. Hmmm, alcohol is a funny funny thing. = ) I really hope that Jay gives me alcohol again, that would kinda make me sad if I fucked that up, even though I'm pretty sure he never will again.

Jordan is so funny, he's 21, from Long Island, and a skinhead (not a racist one though, if he was a nazi skinhead I wouldn't speak to him, probably). A lot of people are unaware that not all skinheads are racists, so if you're confused about this you have now been educated. He sent me all of these MDC songs, which are awesome. My favorites are the two different songs: "John Wayne was a Nazi." He told me that he would consider me being almost 18 into whether or not he would at some point get me alcohol. Haha, when I couldn't remember the song, I told him to ask Jay and he was like: "Do you know how much more alcohol we had than you?" My response was that they're older and heavier, and that I'm a dainty young lady. = ) Haha, I really like Jordan, he's a funny as hell guy.

I'm psyched about the show in 2 weeks, it should be sweet. 10 bands/$5 in Queens. Mi madre is going to drive me, which is cool. I might bring a friend with me so that I'm not alone at the show. Maybe I'll get to read again? I have a new poem, which I shall now post for your entertainment:

My Favorite Flavor of Powerade

“Whiskey isn’t fun and friendly”
That is what I have been told
But I don’t think that’s true
Unless you are quite old

My parents think it’s bad for me
But I don’t agree
For the punks say its good
So I believe that it must be

I don’t mind falling over
And I like riding in your car
So please give me some more alcohol
Before you hit the bar

Jameson takes about 5 minutes before it kicks in
So maybe you should wait a second before you let me in
I don’t think I will puke but I may need to sit down
Don’t pull me off the floor, I’m more comfortable laying on the ground

That basically sums up my experience on saturday... I've realized how much of a good time I had and I've realized that I like drinking. I won't drink as much as last time, but a wee bit won't hurt me. = )

I'm really sick right now, I feel kind of like I'm going to puke. It's because I have a cold, so my snot is basically running into my stomach. I'm sure you all wanted to hear that.

I'm also very excite that Obama won, it's such great news. I feel like he can really turn our country around, at least more than McCain would have.

Drink, Drank, Punk

Okay, so I'm going to try and sort out what happened yesterday at the show in a way that makes sense. I'll do it in steps, it'll make it easier for me to right it out. (BTW, Jay is the lead singer of Endangered Feces, Jay C. is the lead singer of Aggressive Force... two different people, hookay?)

1.) Got on the subway, about a 20 minute trip on the F to Delancy. Right when I got into the station, Santina and Nicole were there. So we all figured out where it was.

2.) We hung out there, and talked to Jay L.. We all hung out there together, just waiting around for about an hour. I felt fucked up, it's actually the way I usually feel the day before I get really sick.

3.) After about an hour or so we all walked in, paid our $7.

4.) Charles said his poem, then I said mine... I'm gonna post the video of my poem at the end of this post.

5.) Endangered Feces went on. Jay C., Jordan, and I were basically the ones throwing all of the toilet paper at the crowd.

6.) After they were done I was talking to Jay and a few others, he was drinking out of a Powerade bottle which I knew had some kind of alcohol in it. He hands it to me and tells me to taste the "newest flavor of Powerade."

7.) When he finally realized how much I've had he became very concerned, and a bit surprised. He basically dragged me to the deli across the street to buy me water and pretzels. And then it HIT ME!

8.) My first thought was "OH MY GOD! What the fuck have I done???" It's slowly getting worse and worse and worse. And suddenly I'm so fucked.

9.) Basically I sat down on the floor inside and ate the pretzels and drank the water. Listening to Kissy Kamikaze. A little bit into that I went into the back and sat out on the chairs with Daniella (who Jay basically entrusted me to), her new Irish bf (directly off the boat, apparently), Santina, Nicole, Tanzen, and Jay stayed there for a bit too.

10.) Jordan and Jay C. are out there with their girls, and we're all talking. Everyone is very nice and basically telling me to not worry about it, that everyone does this, and not to worry about it.

11.) Tanzen leaves at some point, and I finally make it back inside. (By this time I think I had drank the first bottle of water, and now I keep peeing and peeing and peeing) The Ray Gradys were playing and were covering Zero Boys, which was amazing. I got up there and was singing with Jay and Jordan on the mic. Haha, the three drunks all on the microphone, so not surprising. I went to sitting on the crates in the back, because my steadiness was uhh... not so good. Jordan and Jay C. are skanking, and Jordan grabs me by my shirt and pulls me off the crate. Right as that happened Jay came over to hit him and actually ended up hitting me in the face, so they quickly grabbed me and pulled me onto my feet and shoved me onto the crate again. Santina let me rest my head on her shoulder and they all made sure everything was cool. It was kinda funny, it didn't bother me at all. My face got numb, and then kinda hurt, but that's fine.

12.) Santina, Nicole, Jay, Daniella, me, and the two twins (who I have now met, they're really cool guys, really nice) were standing on the street (besides me, I'm sitting on the ground resting my head against Jay's knee, who is just kind of petting my head, I think he felt kinda bad).

13.) Santina and Nicole leave and Jay and Charles are now watching me. The guy from the Ray Gradys held the door for me as I pissed because the door wouldn't close to the bathroom. Jay and I walk to get his car, and then we drive back to the show. Jay and Charles basically sit me in the car and I'm feeling a bit more sober. After about 15 minutes and me listening to them talk while they load up the car we're off. We drive up to this bagel place on like 4th ave 20 something. Jay buys me a big cup of coffee, I pee again. By this time my piss is legitimately clear. We're all talking as Jay drives me to Penn, Charles volunteers to make sure I'm fine getting to the terminal. He drops me off, I say good bye to Jay, and thank him and apologize. Charles walks me in and I give him a hug goodbye and he walks off. I go to the bathroom and pee again (holy shit, I probably peed like 8 times in about 3 hours, it was ridiculous).

14.) The train ride wasn't too bad because I spent the entirety of it on the phone talking to Lauren and Nina and Santina on the phone. It was actually quite entertaining.

15.) I get home around 10:30 and pee again. I feel like shit, probably because I haven't eaten anything besides one bag of pretzels since 11 in the morning. I hang with my rents for a bit, I tell them that I think I have a stomach virus.

It was actually a really entertaining night, I had a really good time. It's kind of funny, but I really enjoyed myself. I've never been drunk before, and definitely never had whiskey (Jameson... apparently Endangered Feces really likes it, they call it the nectar of the Emerald Isle). Didn't puke, which I'm impressed with. My guess is that I had approximately 4 or 5 shots, I don't know how much Jameson gets a regular person drunk.

Here are my questions: How much Jameson gets a regular person drunk? How much Jameson makes a regular person puke?

I couldn't get to sleep last night because I was shaking so bad. I realized it was because I was really cold, so I put on a sweatshirt and socks, which made it almost completely stop. I didn't fall asleep until about 1 a.m. or so, and I woke up at 7 a.m.... What the fuck? I'm still feeling a bit off, but eating really really helped me. I need to eat some more. Next time Jay offers me something, I will not be drinking that much and I'm gonna ask him what it is.

Haha, wow, how was your saturday? = )

Here's the video as promised: (BTW, the guy standing behind me laughing, with half a head of hair is Jay C.)

Nectar of the Emerald Isle

I am shaking so bad. This is not even funny. Holy fuck, so this all started when at the show Jay (who is about 35 or 36) handed me "the newest Powerade flavor"... which happens to be Jamieson. Me, being fucking brilliant, thinks, "Oh, it must just be some nasty ass beer or something, so I might as well drink what's left..." There was about a quarter of the bottle filled with it, by the time Jay realized what I had done he was kinda worried. So, basically, I was baby-sat by the rest of the adults and shoved in with all of the drunk 20 somethings... honestly, it was kinda fun. No puking (which is impressive). (I am now jiggling my leg, which is helping me stop my body from shaking, God this is horrible) I have drank about 3 bottles of water and a big to-go cup of coffee. Jay drove me to Penn with Charles, and made sure that I was okay to get home. Fuck, I feel kinda bad, but everyone agreed that it was alright and that everyone at my age ends up like this at some point. Even the use of the word "experimentation" didn't bother me tonight (I mean, I was pretty fucked, so nothing much bothered me). I cannot deal with this. I'll say more about this tomorrow, fuck, right now, I just want to stop shaking and go to sleep.